Hard Night

Feeling the bullshit tonight.... angry, sad, disappointed, devastated, defeated, tired, suicidal?, homicidal?, worn down, frustrated, hateful, sinful....

I am reaching the point of no return.

I have had it with him.

He doesn't even appeal to me anymore.

No one appeals to me today.

I haven't had sex in months.

I haven't felt desired in a year.

I haven't been desired in a year.

I don't know why I am not desired ....

He won't tell me why I am not desired.

I think he is having an affair -- being loyal to her by making a fool of me, and breaking my heart.

I think he is ruthless.

I think he is a fucking cold-hearted shell of a man.

He has no joy left in his soul ... not for me.

He is a coward, because he cannot tell me to my face ... he plays games.

I hate games.

Games hate me.

There is a very thin line between love and hate.

Today I feel my connection between my hate and my anorexia...

I miss being a child.

I miss being loved.

I miss sex.

I miss everything.

I miss my friends.

I hate.

Goodnight y'all.

Fuck off -- to the man I love. You know exactly who you are. Not that you would ever desire to read anything I ever wrote -- even if I spent hours and sent it to you as a gift. You make me cry. You do not know me. You don't know how I really feel -- nor do you desire to know. So to you -- if I had the balls to be honest with you -- I would tell you to fuck off -- go away and don't ever come back. Have no memories of me -- because they are all the shittiest memories I have ever known. You lied when you said you love me. You are a fucking liar. And you treat me like shit every chance you get. You don't know what love is.

You think you have the manual????? The manual on "How to find a chick that will suck me dry of anything she can and then make a complete asshole out of me, only to live in her memory for the rest of my pathetic life -- as I lie to the people I meet because I am such a pussy that I cannot get over the girl that made a fucking asshole out of me" - YEP baby, you are the author of that tall tale.

So proud of yourself, aren't you. Too bad the "Spell" can't be broken.

I HATE YOU MOTHER FUCKER. DIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!





Can anyone sense my moodiness today? Perhaps chocolate will help..... A chocolate axe to chop his head off maybe???????????????????/ Fuck HIM!